All right, admit it. On a sunny day, wouldn't you much rather sprawl in the cockpit with a cold beverage than labor away trying to get an entire season's worth of dirt and grunge off the boat? There are, of course, chemical preparations that are guaranteed to do this or that, but they all seem fairly expensive. So here are the results of a lifelong quest for simple and inexpensive ways to get your boat clean with the least effort.

For a non-slip fiberglass deck, using water and Bon-Ami powdered cleanser with a stiff-bristled brush works great. It's the only thing that seems to really knock the dirt and grime out of the non-slip pattern, and shouldn't abrade away your shiny gel coat finish.

For hull and cabin sides, you can use a liquid dishwashing detergent in warm sudsy water to scrub away dirt and dark smudges where rainwater drains off the deck. Because mildew thrives on phosphate, use only low-phosphate detergents in case it doesn't all get rinsed off.

The following list covers a variety of materials that need cleaning, as well as Cap'n Chris' handy elixirs. A word of caution, however: Test everything on a small (and out of sight) area first, because there are so many fabrics available today that generalities can lead to problems.

1. Brass: To remove tarnish, either use elbow grease and brass polish, or use a wet rag sprinkled with oxalic acid powder (from marine hardware stores for teak cleaning) and wipe the tarnish off in one pass. The latter is preferable.

2. Copper: Lightly scrub the metal with the cut end of a lemon dipped in salt ' the shine will be blinding!

3. Engines: Keep your engine clean with Gunk, a spray cleanser that goes onto a cold engine and is hosed off with fresh water. There are some cleansers available for hot engines, which work faster because the grease is warm and loose, but the fumes can be offensive, so you may prefer a cold engine block.

4. Cushion Creases: The tiny creases around the seams on white vinyl cushions can sprout mildew. Mix 1/4 cup of ammonia to 4 cups of water and then scrub the creases thoroughly with an old toothbrush dipped in the liquid. After rinsing, dry the crease gently with a hair dryer.

5. Cushion Stains: For tough stains on white vinyl cushions, including flotation cushions, mix one teaspoon of ammonia, 1/4 cup of hydrogen peroxide and 3/4
cup of distilled water. For some reason, the bubbling of the peroxide floats away
stubborn blemishes.

6. Bunk Cushion Bottoms: Most bunk cushions have a white cotton bottom that gets ugly black blemishes of mold and mildew. Soak the stain in chlorine bleach (without getting the colored top fabric wet) and then dip the affected areas in a weak mixture of white vinegar and water to counteract the bleaching action.

7. Plastic Portholes: Acrylic ports pick up a haze that doesn't come off with Windex, but the same mixture of vinegar and water wipes it right away.

8. Scratched Plastic Portholes: There are a number of reputable marine products available for use in removing minor scratches on plastic, but Skippy works the best. That's right, believe it or not, good old-fashioned, creamy style peanut butter is a perfect rubbing compound for plastic. If you've used it all for sandwiches, you can also use a mild toothpaste to achieve the same effect. If you have deeper scratches, pilot shops at local airports often have inexpensive polishes for plastic aircraft windows that will do the trick.

9. Leather: Covers often have leather reinforcing, and wet leather can pick up mildew quickly. A weak solution of water and alcohol will remove the mildew without injuring the leather, and regular washing with saddle soap or the 'hide food' used to preserve sports car leather seats will keep the material supple.

10. Mildewed Wood: Older wooden boats often have mildew on stringers and frames deep in the bilge, but a rag dipped in a bucket of warm water laced with a shot glass of kerosene will both remove the mildew and forestall its return.

11. Aluminum: If you want to put a shine back onto an aluminum fitting, try rubbing it with the shiny side of a piece of aluminum foil. You'll be amazed at how quickly the gloss returns, but don't try it on anodized aluminum because it will remove the finish.

12. Fenders: You may have tried everything on dirty white fenders, from acetone (it makes them sticky for days) to Ajax (it dulls their finish), but nothing's better than mineral spirits. The dirt and scuffs come off, and the fenders look like new. You can use mineral spirits on anything similar, such as flexible PVC cowl vents.

13. Masking Tape: Nothing is as frustrating as trying to peel off week-old masking tape, which welds itself to whatever you were painting. Run lighter fluid under the edges of the tape, wait a few minutes, and the tape will slip off.

14. Duct Tape: Indispensable for quick repairs on board, it often leaves a residue of glue behind. A rag dampened with denatured alcohol will take off those sticky spots without marring the surface.

15. Iceboxes: (refrigerators and ice chests, too): To clean them as well as make them fresh-smelling again, use a thick paste of baking soda and water. When you restock your cold box, leave an opened carton of baking soda (wedged so it won't tip) inside to soak up smells.

16. Stainless Steel: As they say, stainless steel isn't, so use oxalic acid to get rid of rust stains. Dissolving the crystals to form a liquid might work, but that can be messy, and this powerful bleach can damage a deck or paint. It's better to use oxalic acid in gel form. It sticks to vertical rails without dribbling, and when hosed, removes rust stains completely.

17. Blood: On white fabrics, make a thick paste of dry laundry detergent and warm water, and let the mixture sit on the spot for 20 minutes before rinsing.

18. Oil & Tar: Scrape off the thick residue with a knife blade or putty knife, and put a clean rag soaked in dry cleaning fluid under the fabric below the stain. Using another clean rag and more of the same fluid, pat the spot gently to force the tars through the material into the bottom rag. You'll probably always have a brown blemish, but it won't be nearly as bad as before.

Once you're done with the dirty work, it's time to reap the benefits of your home remedies. Make a pitcher of lemonade (setting the rinds aside to polish the copper pots) and a peanut butter sandwich (leaving enough to fix that scratch on the windshield), kick back in the cockpit and watch the other boatowners struggle through heavy-duty cleaning.

November 2001