Prevarication 101
An avid angler has to 'maximize' their catch because it's just so darn hard to impress someone with the tale of the one-pounder you've caught. This video course is taught by Kenneth Lay, recently convicted former CEO of Enron, whose famous whoppers include saying ' just five weeks before the total collapse of his company, which cost investors billions ' 'Our liquidity is fine. As a matter of fact, it's better than fine. It's strong.'

This is a prerequisite for the more advanced 301 course that teaches you how to mislead without actually lying. You'll learn statements like, 'I'll bet we didn't catch one fish over 10 pounds,' which implies ' even though you didn't catch a single fish ' that you caught a slew of nine-pounders that you don't even bother to count because you're such a great angler.

Lure Selection 201
Taught by Imelda Marcos, students will learn the most important lesson in stocking their tackle boxes: You can never have enough lures. Underwritten by Lucky Craft Lures, whose motto is, 'Nothing under $14,' the first module of the course teaches students which lures they should buy. By happenstance, the top five lures you have to have are all Lucky Crafts.

The next section deals with color selection, and the basic message is, since fish have excellent color perception and are more unpredictable than squirrel in the road, you need to make sure you are covered for any contingency by buying lures in every color and gradient in the light spectrum.

Fishing in the Media 301
Designed for anglers who want to host their own TV shows, this course features guest lecturers who are specialists in their field, like Mark Sosin, who teaches 'How to show your personality on TV.' Unfortunately, Sosin's gruff persona makes crotchety, diabetes-monitoring equipment pitchman Wilford Brimley come across like Tom Hanks by comparison.

Teaching the 'How to get and keep an audience's attention' segment is Ray Scott, founder of B.A.S.S., who dresses like a cross between Roy Rogers and Liberace, and barks at his audience with all the restraint of an auctioneer selling lifeboat seats on the Titanic.

In the 'Communicating to Your Audience' chapter, students are told to keep words to two syllables or less, and to make sure they throw in a hoot, a holler, or a yeehaw every 20 seconds to simulate enthusiasm.
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Informational Multi-Tasking 401
Nowadays, anglers have information coming at them from more directions than a MapQuest route map. In this class, taught by ex-air traffic controllers, students are taught how to read a fishfinder, while simultaneously scanning the radar display and programming the GPS, while at the same time talking on both the radio and cell phone, surfing the satellite radio, and tuning in the Redskins-Cowboys game on the dash-mounted portable TV. Teachers counsel students not to actually use hooks, because if a fish strikes while all of this is going on, it seriously interrupts the carefully orchestrated flow.